I need a girl (5 reasons why your single, the male version)

Happy New Year, I hope you all had a happy and healthy holiday. Lets make 2012 the best year ever. Looking forward. I know alot of young men are steadly paying off the massive credit card bills they racked up during the holidays just to turn around and swipe those cards again for V-day next month. The price we pay for the ones we love. In all actuallty it's better than the alternative. Although most men would never admit it, being single this time of year SUCKS. Most men have only themselves to blame for their lonely, jergens filled nights. The ratio of women to men in this country is 4:1, if you can't find a women than it's probably more you than anything else. That being said, here's part 2 of the 5 reasons that as is still single. Part 1 focused on the ladies, now it's time to show the guys some love.



5. Your a bitch; Women are looking for a MAN. Not a metrosexual sissy that drinks white wine and loves to cuddle while watching The Notebook. I hear women constantly say that they want to feel protected. How are you going to protect your woman when your jeans are just as tight as hers? This is becoming a bigger and bigger issue with today's men. It's ok to be in touch with your sensitive side, but if that's your ONLY side than you need to pull your pants down, locate your sack and start stop acting like you have a placenta.


4.You have no ambition; Wale named his album Ambition for a reason. Yes, It's quite an accomplishment that your ranked top 30 in the world in the new Call of Duty. You should be very proud that you won your fantasy football league the last 3 seasons, but the harsh reality is; that isn't gonna get you any ass. Like I said in the last post women can smell ambition. Which also means, they know if you ain't about ish. The prospect of having to support your x-box playing, papa johns pizza eating, "aspiring" rapper ass is not attractive at all to a woman.


3. Your a cheater; Of course women cheat just as much as men. So why is it only on the list for men? Because women are (for the most part) smart enough not to date someone that they know is a cheater. Men are so stupid that they think it won't happen to them, or that they can change a cheaters ways. Word to the wise guys, the only think that will stop a cheater from cheating is themselves. Women (again for the most part) respect the boundaries of a relationship and will therefore not pursue a taken man,


2. Your Broke; Broke of course is a relative thing. You don't have to be pushing a BMW or Range Rover( although they would help...). As long as your making an honest living, your able to pay your bills and occasionally take a female to a nice resturant or buy her a nice gift for the holidays. The broke we're talking about is the dudes that have to get their phone in their momma name, then have to borrow money from their baby mama to pay the bill, all the while going to the strip club 3 times a week and making it drizzle on some chick named Caramel .

1.Your Crazy; Lets face it, there are dudes out that are straight bonkers. Men don't handle their emotions as well as females to, so negative feelings such as jealousy, fear and sadness often manifest themselves in the form of crazy ass actions. Fellas check yourself, calling someone 20 times a day, showing up unannounced at one's job/home, following them around, these things are not cool and will not make a woman want to be with you. Tat your name so you know its real? More like tat my name so I know you crazy. Of course if the woman is crazy too then she probably likes that kind of stuff. In which case you two can live on in lunatic love. Dat shit cray!

Back at it...

Allow me to re-introduce myself....I am Tha King. I'd like to welcome you back, welcome some of you for the first time to this here blog. It's been a good six months since my last post. Life has a way of makig you forget about your creative outlets. I've heard you calling(Texting rather cause I don't answer my phone). I appreciate the people who have been inquring about the status of the blog, it lets me know that people really do read, at the end of the day I write for people to read.

I have to admit, coming up with topics has been rather diffcult lately. I haven't cared enough about any one topic to give it the thought it takes to post about it. Today's topic is actually a topic I got off a social networking site. A young lady made a video blog entitled "The 5 reasons your're still single". It was cute, flawed but cute. She recieved quite a bit of negative feedback regarding her reasons. I'll admit, one or two of them were a little dumb (Sorry Hun, thems the breaks). The others made pretty good sense to me. All in all I was confident that I could have come up with a better list. So here we are, right in the middle of cuffing season, The 5 Reasons Your Ass Is Still Single. Today we're dealing solely with the women, it would be foolish to think that men and women would have exactly the same reasons. Fellas you'll have to wait until tommorrow.

5. Baggage; Not the Lou Vutton kind either. The kind that makes you seem like your crazy. Women have a tendency to bring alot of issues from past relationships with them into new ones. You can't punish new men for the things old men did to you. I know this may sound harsh but GET OVER IT

4. Your standards are unreasonable; I understand that you made up a this dream mate in your Barbie playhouse when your six. The keyword in that last sentence was DREAM. Many women have these outrightgeous standards that, if the tables were turned, they could not live up to themselves. Why is it that your mate MUST make at least 50k? Is it to offset the fact that you have no job? Is the reason that your demanding a man built like Reggie Bush to motivate your fat ass to get back into the gym? Standards go both ways. So if you not a model and you don't drive a benz, don't demand that you mate be.

3. why-dont-you-have-man-ill-tell-you-one

2.You don't do anythinng; I know, its 2011 and your an independent woman. You can do anything a man can do. That doesn't give you an excuse to not be able to do the things women do. To some degree, a man is looking for a woman to assume the roles that his mother had. Which means if your 26 and you can't fry an egg, we have a problem.You want to show a man you care? Clean his room while he's asleep, or have a hot plate waiting for him when he comes home.There is nothing you can say to a man that makes him feel the way he feels waking up to breakfast in bed.You want that old school love your parent/grandparents had? How much do you wanna bet Grandma was in the kitchen cooking a hot meal?

1. Your desperate; They say that women can smell a man's ambition. Well a man can smell a woman's desperation. Let me make this very clear; Men couldn't care less that your biological clock is ticking, we don't care about your plan to be married at 22, Kids by 25. No man wants to rushed into a long term committment, hell we get nervous when signing cell phone contracts.If your constantly bringing up marriage, children and things that involve the C-word you going to scare men away. There is more to life than procreation. Give us a reason to wanna marry you before you start talking about marriage.

Weiner-gate

We as Americans are, amongst other things, big time hypocrites. We have a habit of holding people, especially famous people, to moral standards we don't even live up to ourselves. How could we be critical of someone for doing something that millions of people engage in. The newest target of the gross hypocrisy of the American public is congressman Anthony Weiner. By now I'm sure you've heard about congressman weiner sending pictures of his....weiner to different women and then attempting to hide it from the media. Before we continue, lets look at all the facts;


*Congressman Weiner sent semi and fully nude pictures to multiple women

*Congressman Weiner had been exchanging flirty texts and having phone sex w/ some of the women.
*Congressman Weiner is married

*Congressman Weiner originally tried to cover up the pictures


Which of these things has anything to do with the congressman's ability to perform in office? Why is it that for well known people, their professional lives are affected by everything they do in there personal lives? Are any of you being held responsible for those pics and texts you sent the other day by your employer? I didn't think so. By far the biggest Hypocrite in this situation is Hilliary Clinton. Congressman Weiner's wife works for Ms. Clinton, and upon hearing the allegations about Wenier, advised his wife that she should leave him. Is this not the same lady that stood by her husband while he was getting his *&%$ underneath his desk? Now she wants someone else to stand up for themselves when she didn't. C'mon son. The bottom line is this; Andrew Weiner was a good congressman, while he may have been a bit if a freak and a shitty husband, those weren't the reasons he was voted into office. Let his personal accomplishments stand for alone. Who know's? Maybe he would have help pass some freak friendly laws, and who doesn't love that?

Put that thing on that I like; 10 sexiest articles of female clothing.

I'm the first to admit that I spend a hell of a lot of time looking at women. It's a hereditary thing. My daddy does it, my granddaddy did, my brothers and me as well. That being said, I have my personal preferences on what I like to see women in. What your wearing is half of what attracts men. So before you ladies starting updating your summer wardrobe, check out my list of the 10 sexiest articles of female clothing; enjoy.

Fitted Jeans; Bobby Valentino knew what he was talking about. While alone they aren't the most sexy article of clothing and it's made from denim, which isn't a sexy fabric, once its' wrapped around the curves of the female lower body it is transformed. The ass and Hips take center stage in a pair of Jeans; Contrary to popular belief, the tightest pair of Jeans is not the sexist. Your Jeans should not look like your cutting the flow of blood to your leg. Having your entire crack exposed is also not sexy. A lil crack never hurt anyone though.

2 piece; I don't know about you, but when I'm beach or poolside I'm not checking for the chicks in the one-piece coveralls. 2 piece bathing suits are about as revealing as you can get without being butt ass naked. Nothing beats a lovely beach body rising out of the water, Dripping wet in a 2 piece...Gotta love the summertime.

Booty Shorts; Like fitted jeans, the emphasis with Booty Shorts( Pum Pum shorts for all my west Indians) is the booty. So, if your are severely lacking in the ass dept you may want to re-consider throwing on a pair. A flat ass in booty is like an empty box wrapped up under the tree for X-mas. We have it in your head that we're going to turn around an admire a glorious ass and then...nothing. When properly worn though, booty shorts can perfectly showcase an ample backside. Don't believe me? Take a trip to the west Indian, Puerto Rican or Dominican Parades in NY.

High Heels; It is a pre-requisite that a bad b*tch have a mean a show game.(That's shoes, not sneakers.) A woman in a good heel commands the attention of all within the sound if her heel click. Heels also make a women's legs appear more toned than they actually are, which is always a plus. A word of caution though, if you have horribly deformed toes, swollen ankles or have not learned the proper walk in heel, just face reality and throw on those flats.

Tights; Personally I think this should have been higher on the list. Tights make almost all who wear them seem deceptively fit and curvy, with depending on your point of view could be a negative or a positive thing. For gentlemen that prefer the hips, thighs and butt you really couldn't ask for anything better than a nice thick girl in a pair of tights. Tights are also a beautiful sight at them gym, many a times I've been given the motivation do finish my workout by running behind a female in a pair of tights. As before, a cautionary note; Tights and Panty Hose are NOT the same thing and therefore not interchangeable. oh and stick to the basic colors if your over 21. No one wants to see you running around in neon or metallic tights looking like a power ranger. Oh, and camel toes? Not sexy.

Skirts; Not the flowery ones that the little school girls wear. We're talking about the indecent proposal, flash you when they're sitting down skirts. The ones that have to be pulled down constantly while walking. Skirts are also easy access, not that anyone is going to be accessing anything...... The flowery, frilly is ok too, it all really comes down to how you wear them as does everything else on this list. One thing is absolutely necessary though ladies....LOTION

Bra; Nice Bra's are must for any woman that considers themselves sexy. Men like bras that help the breast defy gravity, or at least appear that why. If your bra is going to be visible in public the should be colorful and decorative. Think of the bra as sprinkles on a cupcake, it's not affecting the taste of the cupcake, just enhancing the look. Sports bra's are also sexy, provided your doing some type of activity that would require one, and no the club does not apply.

Club(Freakum dress) ; Regardless of what you may have thought, men go to the club for one purpose; To see women. Dance with them, grind on them, cop a few feels and maybe even bring one home. So when we're at the club we want to see women in the shortest tightest thing they could possibly fit into. A female in a good freakum dress that shows off all her curves is a gift from the heavens. A club full of women in skin tight dresses is toy r us for grown men. Of course, like everything else, some guidelines need to be set; If you gut is hanging out further than your breasts than you may want to consider getting a dress with a little more wiggle room.

Thong ; The Strippers weapon of choice. The thong, is the poster child for sex. Ladies, think about the last you were absolutely sure your were going to have sex. What did you wear? A thong no doubt. Men instantly associate a woman in a thong as a freak or a naughty girl. As a result, we excited whenever we see it. female in thong= fun times.

Sun Dress; Surprised? Don't be, The sundress is the perfect mix of elegant and revealing. There's is nothing better than a woman in a nice colorful sundress and sandals. Its a natural, seemingly effortless look. A sundress shows off all of a woman's assets without making her look like a tramp. You can show your girl off and then bring her home to your mama without her needing to change clothes. In addition to all that, they're easy to take off, which guys always appreciate.

Money Talks

No one is more excited about the news of Bin Laden's death than me. Mainly because it knocked the damn Royal wedding out of the headlines. Hopefully I'll never have to hear about Prince William ever again. Just had to get that off my chest.

I was having a conversation with the landscaper at my job recently, he mentioned that he doesn't have a bank account and that he keeps all his savings at home. The rest of convo went as follows;

"You should really put your money in the bank."

"Why? What do I gain out of putting my money in a bank?"

"Well it gains interest for starters, its also insured when its in the bank."

"My money is insured at home."

"Not it isn't, God forbid your home burns down, your money burns with it."

"Yes sir it is, I have apt owners insurance, my money is covered."

" -_- "

To clarify, the only way to insure money is through the FDIC, which insures funds deposited with a financial institution(a bank). People often wonder how Whites, Jews, Asians and other cultures seem to able to start from seemingly nothing and make their way up the economic ladder so much faster than Blacks and Hispanics.

Think about an impoverished Black family that you know. Chances are Mama and Daddy were broke, Grandma and Grandpa and so on back. So why is it that an Asian family can be fresh off the boat from Beijing and build a wealthy estate for their children in one generation. They do so because they learned how the financial system in our country works and they use it to their advantage. Go to your local check cashing place, who's on line? Blacks and Hispanics, many of which don't have a checking accounts because they've never been taught the banking system and are as a result afraid of banks because of things they've heard in the news.

The local checking cashing place charges 3.1 % of the check in order to cash it. A person making 40k a year that cashes their checks has already lost over 1200 dollars before they even get the money in their hands. Compare that too a bank, in which a savings acct with a balance of 40k at a rate of 1.5% would net the account holder 600 dollars a year. I cannot tell you how many Blacks and Hispanics I've come across that have never learned to write checks, don't know the difference between fixed and variable interest rates. These are things that are vital to effectively functioning in our society.

It may seem as though I'm focusing on 2 ethnic groups when there are others that do the same. I do so because over the past 5 years working in the financial industry I've come across far more Blacks and Hispanics that were financially illiterate than any other ethnicity. From birth we're taught how to count and spend money, but few teach their children how money really works. Learning the basics of the financial system in this country is one of the keys to being successful.

A wise man told me dont argue with fools...

A lot can be learned from the whole President Obama - Donald Trump birth certificate ordeal. To recap; There have long been conspiracy theorists that speculate that President Obama was not born on US soil an was therefore never eligible to run for President in the first place. They remained just that, conspiracy theories until Donald Trump decided to champion the "Obama ain't American" campaign. He spoke out publicly demanding that Obama provide proof that he was indeed born on US soil. The story slow gained attention until this week when Obama has the state of Hawaii release his birth certificate. Obama had remained relatively tight lipped about the situation until this week. The following is a video clip from the White House Correspondent's dinner last night.



Now before I continue, I have to tip my hat to President Obama and whoever helped him put this whole piece together. This was some funny shit. Not included was his entrance to "I'm a real American" (The Hulk Hogan theme music for those that don't know.) The lion King part was cute, but it really got funny when he started taking shots at Donald Trump. It takes alot of balls to unrelentingly shit on someone while they are in the audience. Trump clearly didn't find it funny at all, in fact he looked a little embrassed, and rightfully so. I think maybe the next person will think twice before the go running their mouth about Obama think he won't respond.

Which brings me too my main point. He responded. Over 5 mins of national airtime spent talking about bullshit. Barack Obama is the president of the United States, arguably the most powerful man on the planet. Who is Donald Trump? My 11 year old nephew had no idea who he was. Why waste the time and energy on a washed up real estate agent with a bad hair-do? Obama responding to Trump validates him. Had he completely ignored him the people would have as well. The Boss doesn't worry about what the kid in the mail room thinks. This just gives the next loser motivation to say something slick about the President knowing he takes on all comers, be them worthy or not. While it was funny as hell, I give Obama a C- on his handling of this situation.

5 Things Keeping The Murder Rate Down In The Inner City.

Down being a relative term of course. The fact of the matter is; Ain't no love in the heart of the city. In an area so densely populated with angry blacks and Hispanics, many of whom are broke on top of all else, there is bound to be a fight popping off every 10 seconds. It's gotten much better since the Rodney King, L.A. riot days, but we're not so far removed that it won't happen again. Law-enforcement doesn't stop violence, people do. If it weren't for the things in our society that bring us joy or a release from the stress of everyday life, everybody would be one mean look away from bussing a cap in someone's ass.

1. Weed - Kat Williams put it best; The key ingredient in weed is something called "f*ck it". You can't pay your rent on time? F*ck it, you still haven't used that tent you bought last summer. Child support due? F*ck it, maybe your baby mama will take the cash and finally fix that busted ass weave of hers. Smoking makes otherwise serious situations infinitely less serious. Only problem is it wears off after a few hours. Oh, and the fact that it's an illegal substance.

2. Sports - Has the ability to tame the souls of angry black men in multiple ways. Playing it provides a much needed physical release. Where else but football or basketball can you knock someone on their ass without them pressing charges? The benefits of watching sports is two-fold, it offers a 2 and 1/2 hour distraction from your wife, kids, boss, bills, and anything else that may be wearing on your brain. Being a fan of a team also allows you to paint your face colors and scream obscenities to strangers. The later of which I enjoy thoroughly. Lets just hope. The NFL and NBA get their labor situations straight or all hell is gonna break loose.

3. The Club - There is a reason millions of people flock to the city every Friday and Saturday. The club is like sensory overload to the brain; Flashing lights, loud music and half naked women dancing, the liquor is what brings it all together though. The liquor allows you to get lost in everything else that comes with the club. Where you wake up though is completely on you.

4. Call of Duty - I suppose any video game would apply in this situation. However I chose call of duty 1. because it's my favorite game and 2. Its the highest selling game ever. What better way to relieve the stress of the day than buy shooting a few communists. The violent nature of the game makes it a perfect release. It's also pretty fun to imagine taking out your boss with a sniper rifle. All of that plus the fact that you can play with real people online, killing them while yelling explicative's about their mothers. What's more fun than that?

5. Hoes - Look down upon them if you want, hoes make the world go round. The fact of the matter is; Sex it the best stress reliever known to man. I could give you the scientific song and dance about endorphins but I'm confident that if you're reading this you've had sex before. So why hoes specifically? Its simple, relationships take a great deal of time and effort and can actually be pretty stressful themselves. Hoes eliminate the commitment, trust and all of those scary words from the situation and take it right down to getting busy. Hoes also have lower standards than most women, which means that ugly dude with the funny odor can probably still get it in. Ugly, smelly dudes need love too.