Status-Quo

It’s seems that everyone on the planet has Facebook these days. What started out as a fancy way for college kids to copy homework and talk about tests has no become the largest social networking site ever. The creator is filthy rich and is having a movie based on him. Over past year and a half, Facebook has begun reached a new demographic; ignorant ass people.

Look at your timeline, for every positive, thought provoking and clever status update, there are probably 5 utterly f*cking ridiculous updates that make you want to delete the friend that it came from. With hundreds of friends and the potential for millions of people viewing wouldn’t you want your status, the tiny peek into your mind, to represent you in the best way possible?
Well you’re in luck. Tha King has been in this Facebook game for years, it’s made me an animal. There’s rules to this ish, I wrote me a manual. Follow my lead and you’ll avoid all the common status pitfalls.

1. No Relationship drama; No one wants to hear about how happy or unhappy you are in your relationship. Keep your drama in house. Oh, and for the women who like to brag about how good their man is in bed or how he’s the best boyfriend ever, all your friends that just liked your status are trying to sleep with your man. Good job genius.

2. No drunken status; this includes any status made while drunk or hung over. How you have the whereabouts to log onto Facebook and update your status, while you’re “so wasted that you can’t stand up” is a mystery to me.

3. Pure examples of ignorance; I just read a status that said “Can’t wait to get into my bed, clothes my eyes and go to sleep.” C’mon son, now we know who’s not smarter than a fifth grader.
4. Hoodratism Example “dese bum bitches out herre ain’t got shyt on me. I’ma five star dime bitch. Only dime bitches on deck ova here.” Translation; You’re a hood rat.

5. Creepy Hookup status; Well all know a guy that posts status updates such as this; “Sexy ladies hit me up if you ready for a real nigga. OOVOO- MYMEATISBIG, Skype- IEATDABOX” Facebook is not a dating site. Maybe you need to reevaluate why you can’t meet women in person and have to resort to the internet.

6. I hate my job status; you’ve got it all figured out don’t you? You can talk shit about your job and your boss because you use your middle name as your first name and shortened your last name. Your boss will never find you right? Did you stop and think about the BIG ASS PICTURE OF YOURSELF ON THE PAGE!? Or that you friend requested 2 of your co-workers last week? Start looking for a new job now.


Of course there are others, but these are the six important guidelines to avoid being a Facebook douchebag. Good luck (3 people like this)