The Devil Wears..... Coach.

 

Tha King has been on line for the past few hours trying to find something to wear to my girl's birthday celebration this weekend.(Happy Born day shout out to my sexy mama, just turned 23. I can see those titties starting to sag already, smh. Who's loves ya?) Anyways as I'm on line looking at shirts I stopped at a particular shirt. It's wasn't anything special, I didn't even really like the shirt. The reason I'm bringing it up is because my response upon seeing it was rather surprising. When I saw the shirt, I said to myself "my girl would like me in this shirt." Whaaat? Who says that? I'm sure if my girl didn't like me in the shirts I already owned she wouldn't be my girl in the first place. Whenever were out shopping together we have a habit of picking out things for the other to wear. Our choices almost always garner a sideways "what you talkin bout Willis?" type of look from one another

So the fact that I stopped at the shirt and responded like I did disturbed me, have I gotten to the point where I buy what my girl likes me to wear? Hell NO! I pity the fool that lets his girlfriend pick out his clothes! Next thing you know where gonna be one of those couples that wear the sweaters with each other faces on them.I think I'm rather snazzy dresser, snazzy enough to bag your ass so I'm not changing.....

....Yeah right, the sad reality is, I've bought 2 shirts with pink in them in past 12 months. Whats my chick's favorite color? You guessed it. I sold out, power of the p-u-s-s-y I suppose. To make matters worse, homegirl does the complete opposite of all the fashion tips I give her! What kinda shit is that? How did you become my damn stylist and I can't even give a hint? Is it the same with all women? Do yall try and dress your man the way you see fit? Do you listen when he does the same? Please let me know I'm not the only one.

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You made your bed.....

Since it seem that some people were genuinely unhappy about Tha King deciding to take an impromptu day off from posting Friday, Tha King apologizes, he was busy playing fight night round four on his PS3. I'm back though, chock full of knowledge to drop onto the masses. A quick shout out to the people that have been coming to me with questions and topics they want me to address. I'll be getting to all of them sooner rather than later.

Ahhh the F-ed up lives of my extended family. Today it's my brother- in-not -law. I say "not-law" because I'm not married, although I have a wife-y. We'll call him Dog, in case your wondering I don't just pick random names for people, they have meaning. Dog is married almost 10 years to his high-school sweetheart Utopia and they have two bad ass kids. Everything was fine and dandy until Dog discovered that Utopia had an affair, she claims it was a one time thing and that the man took advantage of her but Dog ain't trying to hear that shit. It was pretty rough for a minute but Dog agreed to try and work things out.

Well it seems that since then, along with working out his marriage, Dog has been working out the backs of other chicks. He doesn't talk about it, to his wife at least, but she isn't stupid so she suspects something is afoot. He's been going out to parties, taking trips and the whole nine yards. Utopia is distraught and doesn't know how much more she can take, but the fact remains, she cheated first.

Which brings me to my question. If your in a marriage/serious relationship and you cheat. Are you entitled to say anything when your significant other decides to return the favor? Do you just grin and bare it? Like they say two wrongs don't make a right but I doubt Dog is thinking about all that given the fact that someone else smashed his wife(Some people seem to underestimated what that does to the male psyche) . Should he be entitled to a freebie now that his wife has been unfaithful? Obviously I'm bias given the fact that I'm smashing his sister (luv ya babe) so I'm not going to give my opinion

I'll bust the windows out ya car......

First off I'd like to shout out Bill Clinton for being the busiest, most influential unemployed person on earth.

Keeping on the subject. Today Tha King feels the need to address the topic of infidelity. In particular, when I woman finds out that her husband/girlfriend etc. has caught you cheating. Understandably this is a very painful and trying time in a female's life. Emotions at an all time high. While its ok to cry and yell and maybe even burn his stuff, Tha king has noticed a disturbing trend of late....women committing acts of violence against their spouse.

By now I'm sure you've heard the story about the lady from Guyana(some crazy mofo's over there man)who, upon learning of her husband's infidelity, poured a pot boiling water on him. Now really is all of the necessary? Couldn't she just have said I want a divorce?

There was another story this week of a wife and her husband's there mistresses(mistressi?) setting him up and tourturing him. They super guled his dick to his stomach people.Sheesh. Tha King feels your pain, but violence is not the way(I sound like a different King) like they always say ladies; the best way to get back at us is to cut us off and act like we don't exist.

A few things can be learned for incidents like this;

1.Fellas, you suck at cheating, stop getting caught or stop cheating. Did you ever find out about your wife playing Bill and the intern with her CFO? Nope didn't think so.

2.West Indian women are crazy- I'm sorry!! It had to be said. Why would you do such things?!

Violence never sloved anything people....well it has, but its not gonna slove this.
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Don't Hate the Playa....

A King's work is never done. Today I'm going to impart some of my wisdom on a young lady seeking the advice of Tha King. This past weekend my friend, Sex In The City, told me about a situation between her co-worker and a dude she met at a bar. I'll let her tell the story and do commentary. It goes as follows;

Basically she met this guy 2 weeks ago at a bar and they hit it off immediately. Within 1 1/2 weeks they had seen each other 4 times, including on her birthday. They had a lot in common, he asked her a lot about her family and her work, she met his friends, he met hers...........One time he was running late for a date and brought her a bottle of wine to make up for it. In her words, it seemed like things were great and he was kind of nerdy and not her type but she thought she'd take a chance and date the "nice guy."

OK. let me stop here. What in that description supports her claim that he's a "nice guy" can you even make a statement like that after knowing someone less than two weeks? It's quite easy to put up a front for two weeks, believe me I've done it. Back to the story;

So they're on another date on Friday, where they had drinks and met up with his friends at some bar. Afterward they were going to walk to the movies but she invited him to her place b/c it was raining and her place was really close. He made a move while they were watching a movie and one thing led to another and he ended up spending the night. She was completely for it and felt that b/c they had bonded and connected so instantly, she felt comfortable sleeping with him. She said she would normally not rush things but she thought they had connected so well and she wanted to so why not?In the morning he was saying things like i had a great time, you're really great, can't wait to do this again, etc. and then he left on Saturday morning.""He never contacted her the rest of the day, which she found strange b/c he would always contact her whenever they ended their dates or whatever so Saturday night she BBMs(Blackberry Messenger) him and is like hey what's up. He responds and says he's out with friends. She says she's going to this bar (the one where they met and a favorite of his, I guess) and asks if he wants to come. He says he would like to but he can't and she jokingly replies "come on! it'll be fun!" or something like that. She sees that he read her BBM but he never replied and she hasn't heard from him since."

I'd like to first salute this man on another mission accomplished. Likely one of many for him. Sex In The City and her co-worker seem to think that she got "played" I disagree. Giving into to the temptations of someone doesn't constitute getting played. Like it says in the story she wanted to do it. Apparently, based on the amount of attention and "affection" that dude showed she didn't realize that she was gonna be a one-hitter quitter. Probably because she thought she was dealing with a "nice guy."

In reality he was indeed a "nice guy". Nice at getting shorty to think he was out for something other than the box(pussy, for the slangly challenged). Let me make one thing very clear to all females; It doesn't matter if he's nice, an asshole, tall short, skinny, fat, Puerto Rican, Black, a white collar dude or a hood rat. ALL DUDES ARE OUT FOR THE PUSSY, and we'll go to any length to get it(most of the time). You'd be stupid to think that any guy was different. Also, you need to understand how dudes think. We want to hit it as soon as possible, but if you give it up too soon, and a week and a half is too soon, we've lost respect for you and you've lost pretty much all hope of every being much more than a jumpoff to that dude. There are always exceptions, but that's the general rule. I can say with relative certainty that if my girl let me hit it on the first date, it would have been the last date. While I will say cutting home girl off completely is a little harsh, some dudes are cold-blooded like that. Just goes to show you all that nice guy/ bad boy stuff is something that women made up. All men will hit and quit if given the opportunity. Just chalk it up as a lesson learned and keep it moving. Joe Budden addresses the whole situation perfectly;


Ma - you real aggressive, catchin' me of balance
It's a turn off, don't you know niggaz respect a challenge
Move a lil' slow gettin' at me
Treat the pussy like it's worth somethin', don't just go throwin' it at me
Cuz - while you doin' it at the same time I'm thinkin'how many niggaz hit you wit that same line
Or - how many other niggaz you ran game to
How many niggaz you fucked or you gave brain to
How many other dudes houses you done came to
With condoms on you hopin' that he fondle on you
And - I ain't tryin' to catch nothin' from you
So I'm caught up in a Catch-22
If I don't fuck her then I'm not like guys she met before
So while I'm turnin' her down she's just likin' me more
But if I do get to pokin', hit her with long strokin'
I now have a girlie on my hands that's open
I don't want her callin' me constantly
Thinkin' cause I fucked her she got a bond with me
I don't want her misunderstandin' a one night stand
It was just a nut, I'm not your man

Kinda long post but hey, a lot needed to be said.

......and another one

Given the fact that most of the people that read this are females I try to fight the urge to write about anything sports related. However this story hits close to home because Burress is responsible for the greatest moment in my sports fan life. I cried like a bitch that night, but that's a tale for another time. Again, for those of you whose address is 12 under the rock lane, Plaxico Burress (yeah I know, I wanna slap his parents too.) former wide receiver for the NY Giants was arrested last year after he shot himself with his handgun while at a New York night club. Before I continue I'd like to point out that not all football players are that stupid, just most of them. He was just indited yesterday on multiple counts of criminal possession of an illegal firearm and reckless endangerment.

Now while I do agree that carrying a loaded gun, safety off, into a night club is reckless and pretty damn stupid. I suppose he wanted a chick to feel it while she was grinding on him. My problem is the criminal possession of and illegal firearm. Plaxico bought the gun legally in Florida and has a gun license in that state. So how was he supposed to know that bringing across state lines is not allowed? He obvious isn't that damn bright. Also why is it criminal possession? He had know intentions of using the gun it seemed so where is the criminal intent?

Plaxico is being "made an example of" because he is a professional athlete.Seems like ever since Kobe got off they been trying to throw the book at everyone they get a chance to.Just like Micheal Vick before him. If he was Plaxico Burress the barber with the crazy name and not Plaxico Buress the football player with the crazy name this would have been a non issue. He would have received a slap on the wrist and send on his way. He could get up to 15 years in prison behind these charges, does that seem fair? Especially when he bought the gun legally in the state he lives in? I believe that if you did something illegal your ass needs to pay for it but when its not fair that he has to deal with the harsher charges because he's an pro athlete. Isn't that the same as treating someone different cause they're black? Think about it.

Fw: 8 Styles that you chicks are royally f*ukcing up. -Summer '09edition.

I decided to kick off the 1st post of the month with a little list. I get around a lot so it’s needless to say I see a lot of women. One thing I can always appreciate is a well dressed female. However a lot of you chicks think that because you’re following the latest trends you look good, WRONG. Here’s a list of styles that started out hot but have since be F-ed up royally by most of the female population. I in no way mean to offend any of my lovely female readers, but hey, if any of this applies to you than you should be offended.

1. Ugg Boots: Am I missing something? Why the hell are you wearing boots, with fur in them, in the summer? Not to mention these are the same boots you wore out last winter so they look terrible, stop it

2. Tights: Tights when worn correctly is one of the sexiest articles of clothing, sadly 75 percent of you chicks are messing it up. If I can see your panties then you’re in violation. And shiny ass metallic tights are only acceptable in the club.

3. Knit Hats: Really? Is your head that cold that you need to wear a knit hat in July? I was at Urban Outfitters yesterday and every female work had one on. I headed to the nearest exit.

4. Big Sunglasses: Once again, moderation is key. You look like Spiderman with the big ass lenses on. You’re blocking the glare not trying to cause and eclipse.

5. Booty shorts: I know many of you are asking “How could this be worn incorrectly?” Well for starters, if the shorts are so tight I can see the dimples in your ass we have a problem...On second thought; if you have dimples in your ass to begin with you probably shouldn’t be wearing booty shorts.

6. The big belt over to stomach: This one always gets me, the purpose of the belt is not accent a flat stomach, not conceal a gut.

7. Sidekicks: I remember when having a side kick was a statement that you were a big deal. Now that the hood rats and teeny boppers have gotten a hold of it, it’s just a sign that you have no originality. I’ve since moved on to Blackberry but it seems like the hood as caught on to that as well. It’s only a matter of time I suppose.

8. AIM: Seriously, I don’t care what you’re eating for breakfast, what’s going on in your relationship, that you’re about to have sex. Or any of the other dumbass things you chicks put in you away messages.

Did I leave any out? Have any of you young ladies been rocking these styles incorrectly? Be honest.

CHANGE the game

I had a entirely different post for today but I saw the paper this morning and felt like I had to talk about this. Especially given the fact that just yesterday someone asked me how I felt about the job President Obama(has anyone noticed that Fox never refers to him as President Obama?) has done thus far.

The thing that people need to understand is that the US government works VERY SLOWLY. The bills that get passed today were probably introduced sometime last year. We went really start to feel the effects of Obama's policies until at least another year. For people to even be attempting to judge the job he's doing at this stage of the game is unfair to him and not wise on their part. However, we can judge him on how he handles certain situations like the one involving Henry Louis Gates Jr and Sgt James Crowley. If you don't know background story, get from under that rock stop reading this and go to New York Times.com immediately.

Pictured above is President Obama, sharing a beer with Gates and Crowley. Applaud this man. This is exactly how grown men handle their disagreements, over a brew. Fuck the politics and the diplomacy and all that bullshit. When It's crunch time, I need my leader to handle shit like grown men do. Tha King approves Obama, he can have a beer with me any day. He said it a million times that change doesn't happen overnight. It takes time people. We made him our president, now let him do his job.